It has been a long time since I’ve sat down to write. Even the pages of my journal are noticeably neglected. However, this day every year inspiration engulfs me, and writing becomes mandatory. Mandatory because my writing is the very expression of my soul, and my soul is delighted.
“Every male who opens the womb shall be called holy to the Lord.” Luke 2:11
Six years ago I gave birth to my first born child, a son.
While the addition of a child is promised to bring change, I could never have foreseen the road in which my journey would take.
The start of that road was filled with blossoming new life, breaths of fresh air. That season, that beautiful road, would abruptly turn into winter, into a swamp.
I would hand my newborn child over to educated professionals dressed in white lab coats to care for him, as I no longer could. There would be no more nursing, minimal time spent rocking him in my arms, looking into his eyes, few smiles. These things would be replaced with central intravenous lines, nasogastric tubes, doctor consultations, innumerable tests. My ears and soul were fed words such as; genetic disorder, coma, gastrostomy tube, mental retardation, death.
In this moment of despair, I couldn’t see the hand of God, who thousands of years before placed the most important life in a virgin mother, placing life in me. I couldn’t see the Healer who had healed the lame, mute, and blind healing my baby. I couldn’t see He had divinely placed people in my life at that most crucial time to feed my soul the bread of life, flushing out the toxic food of statistics, by the truth of the Word, the source of life. I couldn’t see the Everlasting Father using my three month old as His holy one to open my eyes and receive healing myself.
While doctors continued to deliver hopelessness, others delivered a new light that shone dimly. Nevertheless, faithful believers daily fanned my flame with truth of hope, love, and life.
When doctors sat me down once again to inform me this child was recovering, but he would not be sustained by nursing, the most intimate bond between mother and child, I fell to my knees. Dirt kicked in my face, my road was barren. I was thankful, VERY, for his recovery, yet nursing was a deep yearning within me.
“I don’t know You,” I sobbed. “These people are telling me of Your goodness, that You are the giver of life. If only You could please make this childs labs normal by tomorrow, I can nurse him again. This is all I want, all I ask. If only You do this for me, I will go to church and give You my life.”
The next day, labs were not just normal, they were PERFECT!!
I gave my life back to Him who gave life back to my son, His holy child. I gave my life back, only to get my life back. A life I was too dead to see was even missing.
Life has blossomed on my well traveled road, and life more abundantly.
My child thrives. He is as alive as my God, and roaring like a lion. Blessed am I! Happy Birthday to my Sonshine, and my Beloved Jesus. And a Merry Christmas to you!!
In love and trust in Him, Samantha Grace