I will never give up, I will never give in..

My journey into the unknown began with my two sisters, not blood, one week ago today. It sure doesn’t seem like a week has gone by. The high from the music and dance is still possessing my body.

After a practice run, I am now with my boys in a land so beautiful. I am not so sure I want to leave. I awoke this morning and went down to the shore which, is about fifty feet from our tent. While I miss my bathtub, my new office holds far more beauty than I could have imagined. There was not much inspiration to be had while working in that small, smelly room. My new office is wide open. There are tons of trees with dancing green leaves on the banks of the warm river. Owls hoo and birds sing loudly as I meditate on Gods goodness. The smell is fresh and pure. The english vocabulary is limited in describing the beauty of creation.

Before I began this venture with my boys, I found myself feeling anxious and perhaps a bit lost. I would begin to talk myself out of receiving this blessing, and I would use fear as a tool to do so. In an instant my spirit would remind me of who I AM. I AM the great I AM, you see He is in ME! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, would be the words I would replace those negative thoughts with. I am glad I got the victory and accepted this journey.

I have come a far way in just five days. The very first day of this journey was a manifestation of my fears, but a great test of perseverance, which would lead to ultimate victory.

My morning started late, I received bad news on the condition of my car, I misplaced my wallet and held up a line of shoppers ready to check out. When I had finally found my wallet, a manager was voiding the purchase and ready to put it all back. Once I got on the road, which was hours after I desired, it seemed perfect, until I got lost..I despise GPS..I went miles, hours, and more than a quarter of a tank of gas out-of-the-way. I ended up driving through the same town, which I needed to pass through, twice..hours apart. Imagine my frustration. But, I persevered. I reminded myself that I can be of good cheer, Christ has already overcome the world. Victory is all mine.

It was about 11 pm when the boys fell asleep and I pushed forward, singing loudly and trying to take in all I could in the dark of night. The gas light came on about twenty miles from our destination, which was in the middle of nowhere. Fear tried to remind me of the two sleeping boys in the back of the car, it reminded me that there were no open gas stations on these back wood roads, and it threatened to steal my peace once again. But, I am a woman of great faith. In fact, I put so much of me into my faith, many people feel the need to remind me that I still must be wise. My faith is wise. I arrived at the campground at just after 1 am. I had doubled the time the trip should have taken. But, here we were. I had to awaken the sleeping camp managers, who were kind enough to walk me down to our wooded site.

I freshly opened the box that held our home, a tent, using the headlights of my car. The boys seemed excited and tired all at once. I was trying to put this brand new tent up while keeping two little boys quiet, and while listening to a pack of wolves howl in the not so distance. I can’t say after how long of this tent building it was that I walked to the car to yell at Deegan, who was sitting in the driver’s seat, for playing with the lights. But I saw that the dashboard seemed rather dim. Deegan wasn’t playing with the lights, the battery was going dead.

The tent was together, barely, and with no rain fly. The entire back was nothing but mesh. While it was beautiful to lay and look up at the moon amongst the tall trees, it was also rather cold. We had made it. I had been so lost, and it took me far longer than it should have, but I pushed on and overcame. I did it while praising in the midst of the storms. I didn’t praise after, I praised during.

Even through all of these small battles, God put people in my path who would encourage me in prayer. My mechanic prayed with me before leaving NY, that my car would be strong, and my bond with my children would grow even greater. When I was lost and feeling anxious, a couple that I had asked for directions confessed their love in the symbol hanging over my seat. It was the prayer shawl I made, and the symbol was the cross in the star of David reading, “Servant of the Lord”. We then prayed together for my peace and clear route.

Even after those prayers I faced battles. Does that mean my prayers weren’t answered? No, in fact quite the opposite..they were. My Spirit reminded me that before we left I prayed that every town we drove through would be anointed with the presence of Christ. The towns I drove through looked poverty-stricken, and perhaps dangerous. Perhaps my presence there was divine appointment.

Here we are, five days later, and I feel like a lioness. Last night, I laughed as a skunk walked around our tent looking for food. I heard him calling to the rest of the family and scattering along the tarp, that lay underneath our tent. The boys did as well, and as Caleb, my youngest, began to fear the smelly animal intruding our territory, I comforted him the same way my Daddy has comforted me. Sleep last night was interrupted by rain, and then thunder and lightning. Peace and thanks remained, as did a dry tent.

You see, there is no battle I can’t face and conquer. No matter what your circumstances may be, give a shout of praise. Be of good cheer. The victory is already yours..just keep walking!!!

“Night has always pushed up day, you must know life to see decay, but I won’t rot, I won’t rot! On my knees and out of luck, I look up, I look up!” Mumford & Sons


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